I’m afraid to write.

Please indulge me – regular service will resume shortly.

I have a fear of the blank document. Starting fresh. Turning a page. I so desperately don’t want to fuck it up. It’s so crisp, so clean and my words just vomit across the page, without notion.

I am terrified of my own possibility. Terrified that I will work tirelessly on a piece of writing, only to read it back, and feel nauseated by the lack of talent and inability to embrace the form.

I write these words and I know I won’t publish them. I’ll challenge myself to, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll even follow through.

That’s my real problem,

The inability to follow through,

Finish what was started,

That manifested in an inability to even start.

I want so desperately to be inspired and to write something that the pressure is insurmountable. The weight of all my ideas pressing against my head, trying to balance them all, until they topple around me. I desperately reach out for each of them, hoping, praying, pleading for one of them to take hold and cement in my mind.

An idea.

A thought.

A fleeting memory.

Gone.

I want to write more, so much so that I feel this ache, this need to sit and pour my thoughts out. But where to begin? What plot do I choose? What will my character look like? Do I know them well enough? Can I empathise with them? Is the world I’ve built convincing enough??

Time ticks on and my word count is stagnant.

The words are there, I’ve just forgotten how to write them.

Fear is an ugly thing.

All consuming.

Saddening.

Numb.

I want to be a writer.

But…

I’m afraid to write.

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Author August: Rosalind Jana – Learning the Art of Self-Confidence

To view all guest author posts so far and for a chance to win a £40 Foyles Giftcard visit the Author August Page.

When I was a teenager, it took me a few years to realise that if I was praised for something, be it a skill or an excellent skirt, I didn’t need to hedge or go “umm, thanks, but, you know…” or “no! Don’t be silly!” I learned to own my compliments, to be content in what I was doing, to refuse to be apologetic for anything I’d invested time and effort in. As a young woman, sometimes it seems like you tread a hard line between confidence in what you do and risk of being seen as ‘full of yourself’.

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Author August: Ravinder Randhawa – Four Favourite Scenes I’ve Ever Written

To view all guest author posts so far and for a chance to win a £40 Foyles Giftcard visit the Author August Page.

It feels unfair to have to pick five favourite scenes from my books, but there’s no denying that some scenes have indeed stuck in my mind, whether because of their humour, irony, or because when I was writing them, they practically flowed onto the page (a rare, but special occurrence). 

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Author August: Manuela Salvi – Why I believe in happy (-ish) endings

 

To view all guest author posts so far and for a chance to win a £40 Foyles Giftcard visit the Author August Page.

“…in childhood all books are books of divination, telling us about the future, and like the fortune teller who sees a long journey in the cards or death by water they influence the future. I supposed that is why books excited us so much.” Graham Greene (The Lost Childhood, 1951) 

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Author August: Abigail Gibbs – Being a Student and a Writer

To view all guest author posts so far and for a chance to win a £40 Foyles Giftcard visit the Author August Page.

For all but one year of my writing life, I have been a student. Through the first years of secondary school, through exams and interviews, through university and eventually graudation, writing has been my constant companion. It has helped me endure difficult times, and it has created incredible opportunities. It has also been a constant pain, particularly during my student years.

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